October 9, 2012- Part B

           First blog-the Introduction. Second blog-the Background…

     The more I pursue other things, the more I find, I am drawn right back to what I was originally feeling I should be doing with my life. In this waiting period, I have learned the hard way, it is better wait on the Lord and let Him work out what it is He showed you or told you, even if it was years ago. If He said it, it will come to pass, but it will be done in His timing.

     Running about frantically and trying to make “other” things happen, because you get frustrated, impatient or feel you are becoming a burden to other people-that won’t work. In fact, that will get you in more of a dilemma, if you try to go off in other directions.

     And believe me I know all about frustration. One word that describes frustration to a “t” is DIALUP!!!! I appreciate all my family has done for me and helped me with bills, etc. but dial up. Well that is one of the things I really am having a hard time with. “God PLEASE help me to get Wifi!” Sitting there for half an hour waiting for one page to load!!!! Sitting there for an hour to download one song…. as I yell, scream, start to cry, put my hands on my head, sooooo tempted to throw the computer through the window, wanting to crawl up in a ball and just sit there, because that is ALL the computer seems to be doing with the SAME webpage that is frozen, not moving at all!

     It is very frustrating when nothing you do makes money. And you are REALLY trying. Gifts, talents abilities, we all have them, but it it soooo easy to forget them when you have been spending weeks, months and for some of us YEARS in our parents’ basements, one little bedroom, or on the living room couch, some with spouses and kids. That is how bad the economy has gotten lately. It is very strange when the news tells a much different story. Hmmm, I wonder who is telling the truth, the media spin doctors who support their favorite politician, or the folks you know of down the street or at the welfare line who are the victims of the REAL state of our economy.

     It is so easy to forget that at one time in my life, I was a college graduate, interning for the government before I even graduated. I was a go-getter. I worked very hard. I set my sights on my goals, worked hard and achieved great things. (And I still am and still do! As you still are, and still do)!

     But then in 1995, I had a setback. My health… and that saying is true- if you don’t have your health, you don’t have much. I lost that job and I went through two marriages and two divorces, and now at the age of 41, I have lovely dial up, no cell phone, no home, no freedom, little independence and I am several thousands of dollars in debt to my family.

     It’s hard to remember that I was babysitting almost every kid in the entire subdivision at the age of eleven. I always had part time jobs in High School and in the summers. I started my own record company, a little one, of course. But still, I created the record company name, got and paid for the UPC code. I created the company logo. I wrote the music for my CD and performed it, played instruments on it, designed the dress for the CD cover and a neighbor lady sewed it for me.

     Yes, I was ambitious. And then after I got sick, I still maintained that ambition. I did a podcast show out of my house, using a digital recorder, phone and program on my computer to create interviews with music artists and bands. I interviewed them and plugged in some of their songs. I didn’t get paid for that. I also wrote countless songs for over 20 years. None of my songs went anywhere. 

     I did some freelance writing for local papers and got a few dollars for the published stories. I had my own column and got paid something for that too. But that all fizzled out and, I never made enough money on those “creative” things to support myself. That only produced pin money. But nowadays, I would love to have pin money, something green in my hand again. I haven’t made money for so long, I have forgotten what it looks like, as I am sure many of us have. Now, many of us have only a faint memory of having something to buy things with. Now, we have to rely on the kindness of family and friends. And even with that, you will probably get a few words along with that kindness, suggesting that we didn’t try hard enough to get that job or we are not really sick. We simply are lazy and do not want to work.

     Am I sick of hearing that one! Oh well, that is why I am grateful for others in the boat I am in. We get to vent together. We get to encourage, support and pray for each other. We may be getting physical help from certain people in our lives but the emotional support, while it may come from others, it is still very valuable; for it is that support that helps us to remember that we do have a lot of things for which to be grateful, things God has given us that can NEVER be taken away by anyone.

     And when we remember who we are, and the talents, gifts, abilities He gave us, we can at least remember we are worthy. We have a lot to offer and that is the first step- to get enough strength and keep knocking on doors, keep trying when every single door we knock on seems to keep slamming in our face. We need to keep knocking and never stop, because one day that door will swing right open!

God bless,

Living While Waiting

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One Response to October 9, 2012- Part B

  1. artmom says:

    I’m sure there are a lot of people in your situation. Let faith be our shield to protect us not only from the evils of the world, but also from the evil which masquerades as self-doubt and insecurity ready to pounce in a moment of vulnerability. May you get your strength through prayer and in God’s Living Word. With God, all things are possible.

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